God’s Presence Felt Tangible

Have you ever had an experience where you felt Gods presence? So much so, God literally felt tangible? Back in February of 2025, I was informed by my Godmother, that her cousin, Zara (age 3), had just been diagnosed with a Stage 4 metastatic neuroblastoma. Zaras mom, Ellyssa, was 8 months pregnant with her fifth child when Zara had been diagnosed. My heart physically ached. As a mother of a 2-year-old, my mind wouldn’t even let me try to put myself in her shoes. It was unfathomable. A mom’s worst nightmare. We were able to join together locally and help try to provide some of the needs for the family. Zara was accepted at Sloan Kettering in NY and traveled there with her father to seek treatment. Ellyssa stayed home with their newborn and three older sisters and was trying her best to hold the family together while being apart. There were good days that we celebrated and bad days that we prayed through. If you would have asked me, I would have told you that there wasn’t a shadow of a doubt in my mind that God would heal her. I don’t know why I felt so confident. Of course, I knew there was a possibility that God would not, but I knew God could and I didn’t leave any room for doubt. after months of fighting hard, Zaras little body was so brittle due to the disease, and she was eventually deemed incurable from her oncologists. The family decided to stay together and not separate as they worked to bring Zara home on hospice. Understanding the severity of the situation, I still held on to hope. Every miracle performed in the Bible, was so miraculous that nothing or no one could be given credit, except God. So, I thought to myself, this is that moment. God is about to show up and show out as he performs this miracle of healing on Zara.

My hope was high, until I received a call from my God mother crying on the other end, “Zara passed away”. I am typically a very emotional person and had been up to this point. It was an unexplainable peace that surpassed my understanding. I was actually at shock with the way I felt. I never expected to experience that peace after hearing those heartbreaking words. I went to the lord in prayer, first thanking him for my answered prayer. and for this unexplainable peace that I was still trying to process. I then thanked him that Zara was healed; not earthside but for eternity. She was perfect. I could picture her, smiling, laughing, playing, running, all these things she hasn’t been able to do in months and then my tears started to flow uncontrollably as I pictured her perfect and happy and her family broken and longing her existence here on Earth. Again, unfathomable and completely unrelatable to anything I have experienced personally, but my heart was burdened for the hurt her family was experiencing. An experience that many others on Earth have suffered as well. But I just didn’t have the words to pray. I was at a loss. The only thing I know to do is when I don’t have the words to say to God, I can pray Gods words back to him. Sitting there, in my passenger dash sat a book I had ordered probably six months prior. I had been meaning to get it out of my car along with the other hundreds of kid’s crafts, shoes, and little snack droppings that covered my floorboard. But in this moment, I was so glad I didn’t! I reached over and grabbed the book titled “Breathe as Prayer”. I opened the book to the index and there it read; Gods Presence is the Miracle” page 68, which read: “Breathe deep and know: You may not get the miracle you asked, but you always get the miracle you need; God with you. And that is the greatest miracle of all. When our children are suffering, when the diagnosis is devastating, when our hearts are hurting, when grief and sorrow are heavy, the struggles are endless, when we need a miracle… We call on Jesus and beg him to help heal, to make things well again. But sometimes the days just get harder, the struggles continue, the suffering endures, the pain lingers. And we wonder: Did he hear me? Did I have enough faith? Why won’t he bring healing? Where is the miracle? We pray and plead, but still, it seems He doesn’t move. Have you ever felt that way? I know I have. For a long time, I didn’t understand why God didn’t seem to answer my prayers. He is a miracle worker that can do anything. surely, He can work this miracle and do this thing. So why doesn’t He? Where is he in those moments, when nothing changes, where the circumstances don’t improve? He is here. With you. With us. By our side, holding us close all along. We always get a miracle because we get God with us. God’s presence is always the miracle, the one we need most of all.” The passage ended with a bible verse. “Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged, for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Joshua 1:9. Have you ever wondered how God speaks to you? He speaks through His word. “Faith comes through hearing and hearing through the word of God” Romans 10:17

God just spoke loud and clear. It was though He was right there, in that moment with me. Reading through the uncontrollable tears, I couldn’t help but think, this is no coincidence, I don’t believe in those. This was God. I have left this book in my car for months, for this moment right here. Joshua 1:9 also stood out to me. In February of this year, after the diagnosis and Zara was in NY, Ellyssa was overwhelmed with all that was transpiring. I asked her, “what is something I can get you specifically?” She stated she wanted to put scripture up everywhere. To constantly be reminded of God’s word. We found a sweatshirt that had scripture on the sleeve, and you could personalize it to whatever verse you wanted. Ellyssa picked Joshua 1:9. Isn’t God so good? He works in the most mysterious ways!

I needed to get home, to spend time alone in prayer and in God’s word. To process it all, I grabbed a pen and my journal, went to my back porch and began writing all that had transpired through these months. At the end, I wrote, “Now what have I learned through all of this?” I look up to be graced with a beautiful double rainbow. A rainbow is the symbol of Gods promises and how He never breaks them! God promises salvation and eternal life through Jesus, He is faithful and always with us, and He provides strength and comfort during difficult times. Gods promises ring true. He is our hope; He is our miracle. Even in this unfair world, and we ultimately all have the same ending but not the same eternity. Zara is perfectly healed and in the arms of Jesus, and that the miracle that matters most of all, is that through Jesus, we will get to join her someday.

Zaras family was baptized two days before her passing and I know her family has grown in their faith during their walk through this valley and we, like Job, may never get our reason “why”, but God is working good for those who are called according to his purpose (Romans 8:28). I experienced God that day. He was so close, His presence was tangible. It was comforting, leaving peace like a river. Though I don’t have all the answers, I will continue to live in faith and in truth to Gods promises.

Stud earrings in memory of Zara

clip on earrings in memory of Zara